I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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