I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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