Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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