im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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