So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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