Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
