Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to sanitize my soul.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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