now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
