i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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