arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
