I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
