I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
