my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
