We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize