I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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