I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
did i walk over a car last night?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
