I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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