Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
