Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
