Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
