and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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