I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My breasts were aching with rage.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
