totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
