It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
