No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
