I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
