UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
