she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
