dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
