he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize