Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
