I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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