We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
