susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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