I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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