Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
