I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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