i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
