the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
