I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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