i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
