she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
