I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
