Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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