MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
