the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
