I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
