Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I just sharted jello shots
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
