One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want nice things and good sex
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
