Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
