Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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