Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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