I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
