I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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