we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
