How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
