I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
