i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
