thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
