just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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