we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
