the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
