Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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