but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
