I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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