Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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