Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
