You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
