My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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