She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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